Attachment Parenting Blog: Raising Children with Love
Run by an attachment parenting dad with three kids, this site is your best place to learn more about attachment parenting, keep up-to-date on parenting news, and much more.
Hey TechCrunch, Computers do not produce bad grades!I'm aghast. Over on TechCrunch, a site known as much for its gossip-mongering as its tech reporting, John Biggs is reporting (sort of) on a study that he claims demonstrates children who get computers in developing nations get worse grades in school. Here's the link: Study: Mixing School-age Kids and Computers makes for Bad Stuff. I'm a researcher and there are so many things wrong with John's throwaway piece that my head is reeling... The greatest mistake is that correlation does not equal cause. That's the mantra of all researchers, because it's typically impossible and illogical to connect cause and effect when you aren't studying that specific relationship. A classic example: smokers are less healthy than non-smokers. Smokers have ashtrays in their houses while non-smokers do not. Therefore, ashtrays make you unhealthy. John quotes unpublished (e.g. non-peer reviewed) research: "In a draft of an article that the Quarterly Journal of Economics will publish early next year, the professors report finding "strong evidence that children in households who won a voucher received significantly lower school grades in math, English and Romanian." The principal positive effect on the students was improved computer skills."John explains his bias up front, at least, when he says "I've always believed that computers, in a general sense, are not a panacea for developing nations..." but in his zeal to have this unpublished research substantiate his position, he completely misses the point that it's convenient but inaccurate to conclude that since the children whose families won vouchers for computers received lower grades it must therefore mean that the introduction of computers into those families caused the lower grades. A possible alternative explanation: families that didn't have computers gained a computer through the voucher program and the parents then spent more spare time playing with the computer than supervising their children's studies. Ergo, their lower grades could have been caused by a change in their homework and study habits, not use of the computer itself. Probable? Dunno. Possible? You bet. But in this sort of apparently sloppy research (and, sorry John, lazy reporting) it is ignored in the rush to use "research" to substantiate an existing perspective. Yech. John does share anecdotal qualitative data about his own behavioral patterns as a way to explain why he is (presumably) searching for this sort of data: "I believe computers are an important tool but without supervision they are a massive distraction. I am paid, in a sense, to putz around on the Internet and let me tell you that it changes brain chemistry and thought patterns. I'm more distracted, less polite, and unable to maintain a train of thought for more than an hour." I'll just say: if you're going to report academic research, please, please focus on what the researchers actually say in their research, and be skeptical of conclusions, particularly of correlational survey data of this nature. You'll note that I do not share my own views about this topic here. Why? Because they're irrelevant to the topic I'm writing about. Op-Eds are not reporting... UC's Survey on Multimedia Children's Books (or is it vendor research?)I constantly get queries from academics asking if I can help them disseminate information about a survey they're doing on some subject or the other, often without indicating critical things like the topic of the survey or -- for those of you that understand the nuances of research -- the source of their funding. This is another in that vein, a research project from the University of Connecticut exploring the impact of multimedia books. "The survey is for academic purposes only and the responses are only recorded in the aggregate. Respondents may opt-in to a drawing for iTunes gift cards." http://www.zoomerang.com/Survey/WEB22ATY56VF98 If you're so inclined, go and respond before you read my commentary on the survey and its questions, because you likely won't want to once you've read what I've written... Before I posted this, I asked them about their funding, and received what I deem a typically ambiguous response: "The study is funded by the University of Connecticut and the State of Connecticut for academic purposes." The lead researcher? She's a Research Analyst at the Connecticut Center for Entrepreneurship and Innovation. Clearly they're seeking different information than someone from, say, the early childhood education group would be trying to generate. You might not know that I have two Master's degrees, and have spent a fair amount of time studying research and survey methodologies. I even have a book about designing quantitative survey instruments on my shelf somewhere or the other. This piques my interest, to say the least, so I looked a bit closer... The Danger of A Desired Outcome Imagine that they're doing research funded by a traditional children's book publisher and the desired outcome of the survey is to identify that children who read multimedia books are more likely to spend lots of time on the computer and less likely to read printed books three months later. The publisher then promotes the research findings, explaining that they always knew those evil multimedia books were messing kids up. Or, perhaps the research is funded by a multimedia book publisher (e.g., read-along CD or tape, or perhaps even an interactive book on the iPad or similar) and their desired outcome is to demonstrate that kids who engage with those type of "modern" books pick up computers faster and therefore the books are an important way that parents can help their children prepare for a high-tech future. Surveys can absolutely lead the people answering to the results the researcher desires if you're not very, very careful with how the researchers word questions, what order they're in, the population from which respondents are drawn, etc. Is this particular survey on one side of the fence? Thought the survey is ostensibly about multimedia books, it's curious that part way through the questions shift and we learn that... "The following questions pertain to a handheld educational toy with one button (similar to the size of a TV remote) that recognizes images in a book and provides relevant audio for the text. (e.g. In a book about a trip to the zoo, the user would trigger the toy when prompted by an illustration and be asked questions about the animals)" The survey asks about the price you'd pay for the item:  Doesn't seem very objective. There are lots of different ways that multimedia books could be delivered. Shortly thereafter the survey asks this too:  But perhaps a multimedia device that was actually an app for your smartphone? "I would be willing to allow my child to use my smartphone to interact with children's book for extended periods of time...." As far as I can tell, the purpose of the survey is to do advanced product research for a group on campus that's considering introducing a direct competitor to the small handheld multimedia reader devices. If so, why not just say so? Dating Men With KidsI was chatting with my pal Nora a while back about dating and how things change when the men she meets are fathers, not just bachelors, and she proposed writing a little guide for us single dads and the nuances of dating from a woman's perspective. This is it, with the names changed to protect the privacy of the men mentioned. Enjoy. Dating after the age of thirty-five (let alone after the age of forty) is an interesting endeavor. Most of the men I've met over the past four years have been divorced and the majority are dads. More than once I've been asked, "Is being a dad a dating deal-breaker"? Dave and I were recently discussing this exact topic and he asked if I would be willing to share my reply to him with the readers of his blog. Agree or disagree, here's my perspective - as a woman without children of her own. Continue reading Dating Men With Kids Parenting as we wished our parents had doneI was chatting with a friend last night and the conversation shifted into how we are with children versus how our parents were with us when we were kids. It struck me that I make decisions on how to father my children with that very idea in mind: when my son wants to do something that's out of my comfort range, do I say "yes" or "no", and why? There's a deeper thought underlying this because I also believe strongly that my parents did the best that they could, given who they were, the environment within which they grew up, and the culture of parenting that was popular when I was a kid in the late 60s and early 70s. Continue reading Parenting as we wished our parents had done Funding the kids toy stash at your ex's houseOne of the turning points in my ex and I stabilizing the situation with our kids after we separated and then divorced was for us to agree that things we bought the kids were their property and that they could take them from one house to the other without us intervening. It's a recommended philosophy in co-parenting (e.g., parenting after a divorce) books too and saves the kids lots of stress about "toys at mommy's house" and "toys at daddy's house" and it also just makes intuitive sense. I know that if I were a child of divorce and I got into a new toy or game, I'd want it to migrate with me, not be shackled to a specific building, address or parent. Ideally, it'd all just work so smoothly and my parents be sufficiently close geographically that I'd never even really think about it. But from a parent's view, from the view of the person who certainly seems to buys the majority of these things, well, it doesn't always work out as desired... Continue reading Funding the kids toy stash at your ex's house Traveling with my son: restaurant choicesOkay, tonight was a great test of my ability to stay focused on the important things and practice that zen-like calm I try to have when things get frustrating. I managed it, but not without a tiny cry of despair inside... I've brought my 10yo son G- to Chicago for a week's holiday with me, we've been to the amazing Museum of Science and Industry, the very cool Field Museum, tomorrow we're off to Navy Pier and an evening architecture boat tour, it's been fun. I really like Chicago too, and have a secret goal of teaching my kids to appreciate city life too: their Mom strongly dislikes big cities and avoids them like the plague and I don't want them to inherit that attitude. Which is all well and good until it's time to eat... Continue reading Traveling with my son: restaurant choices Fun dress-up costume from TotallyCostumes.comIt's funny the things that pop into my mailbox as a daddy blogger. Too often the messages begin "Dear mommy blogger", demonstrating a really lazy PR firm or someone who just hasn't figured out that I'm not the one who birthed my fabulous children but their Dad. :-) Actually, it usually just amuses me, but occasionally it is a bit annoying, especially when the gist of the marketing message is how moms have such a tough job as parents and how dads are rarely even around to help, but that's another story for another blog post. When I got an email from Nova about TotallyCostumes.com, the timing was perfect: My 6yo was at that moment dancing through the house in one of her fairy outfits... Continue reading Fun dress-up costume from TotallyCostumes.com A Very Personal Walking Tour of Boulder...I seem to drive everywhere, so I'm making a concerted effort to walk more and to take the bus when I feel like it's too far from point A to point B. This morning I was going to jump on the bus downtown so I could spend the morning working, but just started walking instead. As I walked, I thought about how what you see on foot, when you have time to process information rather than focus on zooming along, offers a different, and interesting, vantage, and a chance to often see things that you would never notice otherwise. Continue reading A Very Personal Walking Tour of Boulder... Solo holidays are a mixed bagIt's inevitable when you're divorced, I suppose, that some holidays you'll be celebrating (if that' the right word) without your children around. Generally we do pretty well with our parenting schedule and it's a rare holiday that I don't have at least one kid in the mix, and frankly, with three to go around, we should be able to pull this off, right? :-) Still, it's Memorial Day and my kids are with their Mom and I'm flying solo, as if it's just another day and not a holiday at all. The wrinkle? Today is also the Bolder Boulder, a 10K run/walk event here in my home town that pulls about 50,000 people onto the course. Yup, that's 50K, it's the second biggest marathon by numbers in the United States, and the waves of people are never-ending... Continue reading Solo holidays are a mixed bag Help A Mom: My baby's waking up hourly at night!As someone who writes about attachment parenting and general parenting from the Dad's point of view, I get email. A fair bit of email, actually, and it's great stuff, but sometimes I really don't have much of an answer. One of those messages arrived this morning from an exhausted mom: I need to find someone to connect with. I practice attachment parenting and my 6 month old sleeps with me...but he wakes every hour...I need help!My first reaction was to suggest that she check with her pediatrician, but then I wondered if her baby wasn't nursing properly and was just perpetually hungry, or perhaps the sleeping arrangements were such that the little squirt was cold/hot or otherwise uncomfortable. Continue reading Help A Mom: My baby's waking up hourly at night! Interviews, interviews: let's talk!On any given week it seems like I'm either launching an interview with someone interesting I bump into or receiving a query from a Web site asking if they can interview me. It's fun and it's a great way to build content for your site and get on the radar screen of some cool folk. And after all, who doesn't like to be interviewed in a format where you can take your time and come across as a sharp, thoughtful person? For example, I was recently approached by a site called bizymoms.com. I'd never heard of them, but since my general policy is to say yes to interviews and since it was related to parenting topics, I assented. A day or so later they'd sent me a standard set of about a dozen questions via email, asking me to answer them at whatever length I'd like. The result: Interview with Dave Taylor on Bizymoms.com. Continue reading Interviews, interviews: let's talk! My son is finally having a deep night's sleepMy son and younger daughter are with me for a few weeks while their Mom travels with our oldest, and it's been an interesting time. They're fabulous and terrific company - as always - but my son's sleep patterns have been increasingly affected by allergies, to the point where we had four nights in a row where he didn't get to sleep until after 10pm. Not good when we're trying to get to school and get him to be thinking and awake! Night after night, I'd listen to him sniffling, kicking, and just having a hard time, and though I could correlate the increase in allergic symptoms with him laying down, it never dawned on me that it could be the pillow that was causing the problem. Last night I sent out a message on Twitter: "fourth night in a row my son is having allergy issues. I suspect his new pet rat." (I'm @DaveTaylor if you want to connect there!) Through the lucky happen chance of Twitter, one of the responses I received was from @Jamesd78, who responded: "@DaveTaylor as a lifelong allergy sufferer I can tell you that if his allergies act up at bed time it's possible that it's his pillow. Srsly" Continue reading My son is finally having a deep night's sleep Is Attachment Parenting relevant as kids grow up?I was reading through the great material available at Attachment Parenting International, the "parent' corporation (or, perhaps better, "mother ship") for those of us that follow intentional or attachment parenting, and was struck at how few of the Eight Core Principles of Attachment Parenting are relevant once your joyous little bundle grows up and isn't a little baby any more. To wit, the eight rules are:
I read those and I'm thinking that only rules #3, #6 (maybe), #7 and #8 are relevant once children have grown beyond their infancy... Continue reading Is Attachment Parenting relevant as kids grow up? My blog and guest posts...When I got two emails in the same hour from people offering up guest content on topics that aren't related to what I discuss here on the Attachment Parenting Blog, I started to wonder... Here's the first of 'em: "I have been looking for parenting blogs that are interested in guest content. I like the honest approach that you implement in your posts. Very refreshing. I feel that I could add to this through a guest blog post. The benefit of chewable vitamins? Uhm, sounds a lot like what they want to write, and very little about what I believe you want to read, dear readers... Continue reading My blog and guest posts... British soldiers escaped WWII POW camps with Monopoly?Got this fascinating story via email and it checks out, as far as I can tell. Very cool and ingenious! Starting in 1941, an increasing number of British Airmen found themselves as the involuntary guests of the Third Reich, and the Crown was casting about for ways and means to facilitate their escape... Now obviously, one of the most helpful aids to that end is a useful and accurate map, one showing not only where stuff was, but also showing the locations of 'safe houses' where a POW on-the-lam could go for food and shelter. Paper maps had some real drawbacks -- they make a lot of noise when you open and fold them, they wear out rapidly, and if they get wet, they turn into mush. Someone in MI-5 (similar to America 's OSS ) got the idea of printing escape maps on silk. It's durable, can be scrunched-up into tiny wads, and unfolded as many times as needed, and makes no noise whatsoever. Continue reading British soldiers escaped WWII POW camps with Monopoly? How do you establish a post-cosleeping bedtime?Reader question time: I would like some suggestions on having a bed time with the family bed. My daughter who is almost three has been co-sleeping with us from the first day we brought her home from the hospital. I would like her to sleep in her own bed in our room with a bedtime. This has proven to be very difficult. She can't fall asleep without me next to her. Any tips would be appreciated. This is a classic question for attachment parenting, I think, and I know that we've had mixed results with this. In fact, I seem to be a bit more focused on detaching from the kids at bedtime than their mom is, but that's another story. :-) Continue reading How do you establish a post-cosleeping bedtime? The problem with hiring a chauffeur for your kidsYeah, kind of an odd title I admit, but this weekend I attended an Internet marketing event and there were a couple of high-powered "motivational speakers" (I use quotes because I didn't find them very motivating, personally), one of whom made a very interesting comment... To set this up, the guy, cut from the Tony Robbins Type-A mold, had spent the previous hour on stage telling us how successful he was, how much money he made, how he had a private jet and how the one time recently he flew commercial he was lost and had no idea what it was to "line up", yadda yadda. Big, big ego, and very proud of his financial achievements. Part of the shtick these guys use (and yes, it's almost always powerful, forceful men who give these sort of talks in my experience) is to talk about their troubled childhood and their families. Is it true? Maybe. Is it manipulative and deliberate on their part to build sympathy so they can sell you something shortly thereafter? You betcha. So this unnamed guy is showing off his $20,000 watch and showing us pictures of his private jet and he made an interesting comment... Continue reading The problem with hiring a chauffeur for your kids |
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